Confused and Getting Worse
to talk about all the things
that really matter most
of life and love and happiness
and then the Holy Ghost
Do not go to bed in a state of existential uncertainty, it leads to carnage.
Well actually I didn't go to bed in a state of existential uncertainty but the random paths of my thoughts led me down there.
It started with a girl, as everything does. Apparently people thought she was/is interested in me. Now I started thinking about it; because me being me I miss hints a mile wide (just talk to A.J. he gets great amusement out of it.) I had never really thought about her that way but as I thought about it the I became interested. Not that I was certain it would lead anywhere. However, I thought it would be good in theory to keep it casual to test the water so to speak so that if it didn't work then it we wouldn't lose our friendship. However, then I was thinking was it that I thought it would be great to go out with her or was I thinking that it would be great to be in a relationship (being the mature Christian that I am.) But being this type of Christian I cannot see a point in dating if it couldn't have the possibilty of marriage at the end. However, I have advocated for ages that I aren't yet ready to marry and that I couldn't see it happening until I was in my late 20s early 30s. But could that change if Mrs Right came along. This led me to think why I couldn't see myself getting married until later. Obviously maturity, responsibility, financial stabilty are things I think I need or at least more of before I got married. However, what am I actually doing to achieving these ends and therefore if I am doing nothing to achieve these ends then do I actually want them. Furthermore, is it just fear of change that holds me back from these goals since if I follow through with them then I do not who I will come out looking like. Then the question becomes what do I want to do with my life. Do I want to be an Engineer or do I want to pursue Youth Ministry. How would overseas mission fit into this or should it. What brings the most glory to God. Finally this lead me to the question, who am I and who do I want to be?
*Great* start out contemplating relationships end up with existential uncertainty. Just the thing that is conducive to a good nights sleep *cough*.
that really matter most
of life and love and happiness
and then the Holy Ghost
Do not go to bed in a state of existential uncertainty, it leads to carnage.
Well actually I didn't go to bed in a state of existential uncertainty but the random paths of my thoughts led me down there.
It started with a girl, as everything does. Apparently people thought she was/is interested in me. Now I started thinking about it; because me being me I miss hints a mile wide (just talk to A.J. he gets great amusement out of it.) I had never really thought about her that way but as I thought about it the I became interested. Not that I was certain it would lead anywhere. However, I thought it would be good in theory to keep it casual to test the water so to speak so that if it didn't work then it we wouldn't lose our friendship. However, then I was thinking was it that I thought it would be great to go out with her or was I thinking that it would be great to be in a relationship (being the mature Christian that I am.) But being this type of Christian I cannot see a point in dating if it couldn't have the possibilty of marriage at the end. However, I have advocated for ages that I aren't yet ready to marry and that I couldn't see it happening until I was in my late 20s early 30s. But could that change if Mrs Right came along. This led me to think why I couldn't see myself getting married until later. Obviously maturity, responsibility, financial stabilty are things I think I need or at least more of before I got married. However, what am I actually doing to achieving these ends and therefore if I am doing nothing to achieve these ends then do I actually want them. Furthermore, is it just fear of change that holds me back from these goals since if I follow through with them then I do not who I will come out looking like. Then the question becomes what do I want to do with my life. Do I want to be an Engineer or do I want to pursue Youth Ministry. How would overseas mission fit into this or should it. What brings the most glory to God. Finally this lead me to the question, who am I and who do I want to be?
*Great* start out contemplating relationships end up with existential uncertainty. Just the thing that is conducive to a good nights sleep *cough*.
1 Comments:
of course, you could just sing to houseplants.....
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